January 7, 2018

The Stepmommy Diaries



Marrying a man with children comes with a great many surprises.  Four surprises to be exact, two of those are 4 and 5 years old.  We will call them Thing 1 and Thing 2.


The fact is that my Additional Babies (Thing 1 and Thing 2) were hard to love.  I know that sounds harsh but it’s true.  It was hard to develop a bond, with munchkins that I could not keep.  Afterall, how could I love something that was not mine?  I couldn’t answer that.  

Each hello was exciting, nerve-racking and bittersweet because I knew that whatever we taught them would have been forgotten by their next visit or not practiced while they were gone.  I knew their visit would be temporary and I had to guard my heart and not become attached.

Being the Stepmommy was not all that I had imagined.  My expectations were crushed by the reality of the situation.  After a not-so-fun day with Thing 1 and Thing 2, I sat on the toilet and thought of how maybe we had all misunderstood Snow White’s Stepmom. She got such a bad rep!  At that time I could completely relate to her. 



I can think of some of the times when Thing 1 and Thing 2 thought I was the Wicked Witch of the West:

  1. Say ‘Please’ and ‘Thank you’.  No, you may not talk to your daddy as if you are his boss.  You must show respect in the manner you speak to him and always be kind to him.
  2. Yes, you must clean after yourselves.  Even in the wee ages of 4 and 5, you must pick up and help around the house.  This may be your temporary house but it is still your house and you must maintain it cleaned and picked up.
  3. When inside, use your inside voice.  So simple.  For yelling and jumping and getting the jitters out, we have this awesome backyard for you to play in.
  4. Your job is to play and learn, do just that.  Electronics are not your sole source of entertainment, revert to #3…the awesome backyard.
  5. You must read and write or scribble.  These two things will help you immensely as an adult and will make school more bearable.
  6. No gossiping!  Playing mommy against daddy is not nice.  They both love you immensely all you have to do is love them back.


The relationship between me and my additional babies is one of the hardest I've ever had to work on.  I can honestly say that it did not come naturally. 

It took me a while,

  1. To get into the rhythm of two munchkins coming and going  
  2. Splitting my affection between my own teenager Munchkin and them  
  3. Accepting that my Prince Charming had others he split his love with  
  4. Letting go of the little things that bothered me but I could not change
  5. Accepting their personalities, which are so different from mine and my own teenager Munchkin.  


It’s a fine balance, almost like a dance being a Stepmommy.  To love but not overstep, to be there but not take over the role of the mother, to accept their natural personality but groom them to be a better version of that.  

I’m still learning, I’m still growing.  Thing 1 and Thing 2 are helping, Prince Charming is helping, my own Munchkin is showing me how.  Everyone is so patient as I learn and get use to this new role and its lovely.  Wish me luck as I step intoThe Stepmommy shoes.


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